Self Quest: What builds your confidence?
One of the most common reasons people come to coaching is because they feel like they lack direction and/or clarity on what they want and how they should navigate a challenge.
Underneath that lack of direction and/or clarity oftentimes hides something else: self-doubt and a lack of confidence.
The problem with that is that as long as self-doubt calls the shots, your decisions will always lead to a life that feels like you settled, like you stayed small and rode in the backseat.
To be honest, when I reflect on my own life, the times in my 20s when I doubted myself the most, were the most painful times in my life. Not only did it feel like I was fighting a small war in my soul, but nothing was working in my real life experience either. I was losing internally as much I was losing externally because self-doubt and a lack of authentic confidence blocks us from the inside out.
That’s why I think that keeping your confidence alive and your self-esteem well nourished is key in order to be able to create a fulfilling existence… to live a life by design that values the essence of who you are.
That is why my question for you today is:
What builds your confidence?
Keep in mind that there are many ways to nurture your authentic confidence.
Here are four ways to think about building your confidence:
Consider your inner dialogue. What’s the quality of your inner voice? Are you speaking to yourself with grace, compassion, and respect? Or do you put yourself down every chance you get?
Do you practice things you have competence or expertise in so that you can clearly see the value you are creating? This can be in your career, but it can also be in other roles in your life… are you a fantastic friend/ mom/ wife/ daughter, a loving home-maker, a great gardener, a glue for your community, someone who adds beauty and intention wherever she goes, or maybe you take great care of your health and lead by example? Really consider how you apply yourself and see the value you are adding. Competence builds confidence.
Think about who you surround yourself with. We are all interconnected, porous beings, so of course, the people who surround you impact how you feel about yourself. Do the people closest to you believe in you? Do they nurture your confidence? Or are you surrounded by people who take you for granted and don’t reflect back your value?
Ask yourself: How well do I know myself? Do I know what I like and dislike? What fuels my energy and what drains it? Self-knowledge is an on-going exploration because you evolve and change over time. The better you know yourself, the closer of a witness you are to your own evolution, the better you are able to make aligned and confident choices for a life that truly fits you.
And finally remember that confidence isn’t about feeling great about yourself all the time. We all have tough days and go through phases that feel like inner winters.
C’est la vie.
Real confidence, instead, is about knowing on a fundamental level that…
✧ you are worthy
✧ you are valuable
✧ you deserve respect from yourself
✧ you are resilient and can pull yourself up and go through tough times without crumbling
✧ you are capable of getting yourself back into an equilibrium that feels harmonious and beautiful to YOU.
Here is to your authentic, self-aware confidence and all the good things that result from it ❤️
Love,
Caroline
